Who’s who in Die Kantoor?

It’s back-to-work January, so welcome to the glamorous Klerksdorp branch of Deluxe Processed Meats. It’s the location of South Africa’s version of The Office, which has been spiced up with a distinctly local flavour. A documentary film crew is taking us along for the thrill as they record a day-to-day glimpse into how the sausage (in this case, polony) is made. It’s a time of change and uncertainty, as a BBE consortium has recently acquired a significant share of the business.

Let’s see who’s on the firing line, as we introduce the nine key staff members of Die Kantoor.

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Who’s who in Die Kantoor

Flip Bosman, aka Bossman

Played by: Albert Pretorius

Job: Interim manager and office cringe machine

HR notes: The boss starts every morning with an awkward handshake for some, and an unwanted hug for others. Flip has two idols: Springbok Rugby coach Rassie Erasmus, and king of candid camera pranks, Leon Schuster. But the harder he tries to do the right thing, the worse he messes up! He’ll give a cannibalism-based pep talk one moment, and throw his staff under the bus the next. 

Nqobani “Q”

Played by: Sipumziwe Lucwaba

Job: Financial services

HR notes: As the only Black man in the office aside from the dispatch and warehouse staff, “Q” is used to having his white colleagues stop mid-sentence and reframe whatever offensive thing they’ve started saying to him. Having a camera crew on site only makes this sweeter, because Q’s favourite thing is weaponising awkwardness. He’s here for the salary, the status, and the “free snacks” in the shared fridge.

Tjaart

Played by: Schalk Bezuidenhout 

Job: Dispatch coordinator and 24/7 lunatic

HR notes: Tjaart has small-dog energy, always standing stiff-legged and ready to yap … or crack a joke. He spends his cigarette breaks coming up with new ways to look tough and scam women into dating him. He’s also the one falling for and spreading AI memes. His brother was the head boy at the local school for kids with special needs.

Tannie Miems

Played by: Lida Botha

Job: Receptionist

HR notes: Like a wasp frozen in amber, Tannie Miems has been the receptionist at Deluxe Processed Meats since the days when polony was made out of leftover mammoth. She used to run the social media account, but thinks you can switch off the internet by unplugging your computer. Miems misses the days when traditional Afrikaans men were strong and (above all) silent. Her favourite colours are orange, white and blue. 

Jo-Anne

Played by: Ilse Oppelt

Job: Customer service rep

HR notes: Jo-Anne is the first to push back against unreasonable demands and expose flawed management policies. But she’s only going to say that thing you need to hear once. After that, it’s your funeral. A woman of mystery, she is partial to a weekend bender, has hidden artistic gifts, and she’s made of tough stuff. You have to be when you’re the one manning the polony phone during the latest listeriosis outbreak. 

Kayle

Played by: Carl Beukes

Job: Financial services

HR notes: Kayle (pronounced like the vegetable and enjoyed just about as much) is a greasy little suck-up by nature but, alas, his Afrikaans colleagues harbour a lingering distrust of The English. His only joys are cycling, telling you about cycling while wearing cycling shorts, and boasting about his coffee machine, sourced from exotic Johannesburg. Kayle is trapped between being a performative PC guy, and pure panic.

Joubert

Played by: Gert Du Plessis

Job: Polony salesman

HR notes: Joubert was “lured by the bright lights” of Klerksdorp, and now he’s a “polony smous”, stuck behind a desk while desperately applying for 35 other jobs at any time. He lies like a rug and is quick to observe the weak points of the people around him, so you’d think he’d be a better salesman. He has a not entirely friendly rivalry with Tjaart who, like Flip, thinks Joubert is “soft”.

Gavin

Played by: Mehboob Bawa

Job: Polony salesman

HR notes: Gavin is probably the most easygoing person in the office and bears Flip’s antics with good grace. He’s the only married guy, and his wife is depending on him to bring home the bacon for her and the kids … or at least whatever becomes of the bits of the bacon nobody wants. So he’ll put up and shut up, and make his fun little PowerPoint presentations while dreaming of the sweet life.

Emma Engelbrecht

Played by: Daniah de Villiers

Job: Social media marketer and web designer

HR notes: Emma worked as a waitress before landing her job at the start of the series. Along with her advertised social media mandate to beef up polony’s public image, Flip has also demanded that she works as his PA. If she can make polony look good, the world is her oyster … the original poor-person food that made a leap up the social ladder thanks to good press.